Tag Archives: Home

Coming Home

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Wow, it is weird to be home after 5 months of living in California. It is nice but strange at the same time.

I have been really stressed out lately with having to find a new place to live while simultaneously preparing from my best friend to move here and join forces with me.
I haven’t had the “home” sense (security I guess would be a better word) in the five months that I’ve been away.

I guess the first thing I noticed is that so many things here remind me of Thomas, like his old journal that I forgot he left here and a t-shirt I found in my drawer. It makes me sad, but I refuse to dwell on the past. That was a different world and we are different people now.

More importantly, I must stay grounded in the present. I did not come over here to reminisce about the past, my mission on this trip is two fold:
One: to detox from the mostly ungrounding and at times stressful space that is the bay area. Coming home is like a bank of fog in my brain being lifted. I need to use this time to ground myself and prepare for my return to the bay area. I will be coming back with best friend in tow and the two of us have big plans. ~Will elaborate more on that in a later post.
Two: To trace my family lineage as far back as I can. I saw in my heart that I need to do this. Where do I come from? This is a pivotal question that I must answer in order to understand who I am and  hopefully in turn will help guide me toward who I will become.

I will use these 10 days to center myself before being thrust back into the madness of evil land lords and cuffed jeans with crew cut socks.

Peace.


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Just holding a portal into another dimension

34 days

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Until I’m back

34 days until I can drive my beat up old Linda
And run in to Walmart and see 5 people I know
And Go to Island Naturals
For some spicy tofu salad

I can wake up in my bed to the sound of pouring rain
but know that if I drive 30 minutes
I can be on a sunny beach
With my toes curled in the course black sand

34 days until I can see my mom and sister
and brother and dad
and Thomas

34 days until I can jump into his arms
and just let him hold me
because that’s where I feel safe

And we can talk to each other in silly voices
that no one else understands
except maybe my sister
because she’s cool like that

34 days until we can wake up slow
And I’ll make some homemade waffles
whole wheat and vegan
And my dad can make fun of me
Even though he secretly thinks they’re delicious

34 days until I can see my best friend
And we can sit and say nothing
Because nothing’s changed
And it never will

She can give Thomas and I weird looks
Because we’ve all known each other since 3rd grade
But she wants us to get married
And she’ll be the maid of honor at our wedding

I can see my silky terrier
the other one’s in heaven
It will be sad when I walk in and only one dog comes running out
His big bottom wagging because he doesn’t have a tail
So i’ll just have to give him love for two dogs

And in 34 days I can finally breath
because I’ll be home